Would not have thought it possible
But, oh yes, it is true.
Two solid days of hassle from
A toddler’s midnight spew. 🤢
…
Carnage doesn’t cover it.
It’s biblical I’d pick.
There was not a single thing
That had escaped the sick.
…
Growbag, sleep pod, sheet and vest
Mattress, floor and cot.
Two days later I’m still washing
To make it through the lot. 😩
There is no better feeling,
I’m sure you will agree,
Than when you put them down to nap
And have a cup of tea. 😍
…
The house, it seems so tranquil.
You’d even say serene.
It’s feels like it’s the most chilled out
A house has ever been.
…
But just as your bum hits the couch
That’s when you recall,
You’ve still got chores and so you cannot
Relax after all. 😩
Nothing can prepare you
For when you have a child.
I cannot stress enough that your whole
Life will be restyled.
…
So if you think you want one,
Make sure you’ve got the facts,
As they don’t come with a gift receipt
And you cannot take them back. 😜
…
Personally I was ready for
The challenges it brings.
Just as well, as having children
Changes everything!
Dinner time is when I find
My neurosis at its height.
When toddler glue’s their lips tight shut,
Won’t take a single bite. 😶
…
That’s when instinct kicks right in,
The panic and the fear.
To us it feels as if they haven’t
Eaten for a year!
…
You try, you coax, you beg, you plead,
But it does no good
And you are stuck at panic station
Until they eat some food. 😱
For such a tiny person
They sure need lots of stuff.
For example, muslins. You can
Never have enough.
…
Compared to now, our living room
Was almost minimalist.
Now, to even find the couch
You’ll need a map and compass. 🧐
…
I dread to think in future what
Our house will turn into.
Coz it seems as they get bigger,
Their stuff gets bigger too. 😩
Toddler has now mastered
The power of the whinge
And how it controls Mummy’s brain.
It’s wired directly in! 🤯
…
What is wrong’s irrelevant.
It doesn’t matter why.
You still can’t ignore it.
You can’t even try.
…
I have tried to fight it,
But it is just no use.
It’s built into my DNA.
(Well, that is my excuse). 😳
A whole film on a Friday night
AND a glass of wine?
I’d feel like all my Christmases
Had come at the same time. 😃
…
Once upon a time, a quiet
Night would make me sneer. 🙄
Now that ordinary night’s
The highlight of my year!
…
So if you don’t yet have a child,
But it is in the plan,
Appreciate the ‘boring’ nights.
Enjoy them while you can!
These days, 3am and I
Have become firm friends. 😴
(And I don’t mean that I have been
Clubbing each weekend).
…
Even if I’m up for work,
Toddler doesn’t care.
They have not learned empathy
And don’t think it’s unfair.
…
So I’ve forgotten what it’s like
To get a full eight hours.
If I did, I think I’d feel
Like I had superpowers. 🤔
Going anywhere is like
A military op.
Even things as simple as
Just popping to the shop.
…
The planning is ridiculous
To get them out the door. 🤔
Sometimes I will even have
A shower the night before.
…
Lots of things can wreck your plans,
But here are the main two:
Whether they have had a nap
And if they’ve had a poo! 😱
I’m pretty sure our washing basket
Breeds while we’re asleep.
There’s no way we have worn that many
Clothes in just one week! 😱
…
I’ve employed some drastic tactics
To reduce the vast amount.
But it doesn’t seem to make a dent.
There’s more than I can count!
…
I used to wear my clothes just once.
My self-indulgence was obscene.
Now it is a win if I spend
Three days in my jeans! ⭐️🙂
