Since I’ve had a little one,

I haven’t had a drink.

Now, if I was hungover,

I’d actually die I think. 🤢

…

Hangovers in the olden days

They were not very nice,

But a hangover now would be

An existential crisis! 🤯

…

So I’ll just have one glass of wine

And be in bed by ten.

Will I ever be brave enough

To have a drink again? 🤔

Now that I just work part-time

I really have to say,

It is a brilliant work/life balance

When you do three days. 🙂

…

However, it comes with its drawbacks.

One of them is guilt.

Were your instructions clear enough

To get your changes built? 😬

…

And so you start to do the thing

You said you’d never do.

You log on over the weekend

And Friday, Monday too. 😩

I used to see kids with a screen

And think ‘that’s terrible’.

Now, when we go anywhere,

The iPad comes as well. 😳

…

It’s like a little safety net

And it will save your skin.

It stops tantrums in their tracks

Before they begin. ☺️

…

So if you see a toddler with a

Tablet in their palm,

Remember the poor parents just

Trying to keep them calm. 🙂

Kids, they are contrary. They will

Test your sanity.

If a thing stops working then you

Change your strategy. 🤔

…

You must stay one step ahead,

Formulate plan B.

So when they change their little minds,

You will be ready. 😏

…

And formulating new tactics

Is actually quite fun.

If they work, you smugly think

“Child – zero, Mummy – one”. 😜

Public transport is a minefield.

Tread it carefully,

As you will not have access to

An exit strategy. 🧐

…

Not everyone likes children and

Sometimes they get annoyed.

Their patience can be really tried

By toddler’s making noise. 😳

…

If you’re lucky, child will sleep

Until you get them home,

(And you might actually get to sneak

A wee look through your phone). 😏

This week the clocks went forward,

Oh hip hip hip hooray! 🙄

(All parents know that routine changes

Devastate your day).

…

Toddler is all out of sorts.

The whinge is in full swing.

They’re really not cooperating,

Not with anything. 🤯

…

Today my patience has been tested,

“Breathe and count to ten”.

I really can’t wait for October

To do it all again. 😩

If toddler’s doing something that

You do not want them to,

Distraction’s the way forward. Give them

Something else to do. 😏

…

But it can’t just be anything,

Unfortunately.

It must be something better than

What they’ve got already. 🤔

…

And you’ll find there is no point

In learning what trumps what.

As, even though it worked today,

Tomorrow it may not. 🙄

Tantrums are hilarious

And not to laugh is tough.

But it is such a must to keep

A straight face when they huff. 😐

…

They cannot ever see you crack,

Amusing as it is,

As the next time that you tell them off,

They’ll just take the piss. 🤪

…

So when they misbehave we cannot

Laugh no matter what,

As if we do, we know our

Credibility is shot. 🤐

Eighteen month old sleep regression.

Who knew it was thing?

I had to bloody google it

To find out anything. 🤨

…

Toddler’s been a model sleeper.

‘Lucky us’ we thought.

Now I’m up three times a night

More often than not. 😱

…

You think you’ve got it figured out,

Then in a curved ball comes.

Instead of making progress you are

Right back at square one. 😩

I do not need to set alarms,

I have a child instead.

They’re the ones who will decide

When I get out of bed. 😩

…

Now I class a lie in as

Not waking up till eight.

I even think of seven o’clock

As getting up quite late.

…

But then who needs sleep anyway?

Certainly not me.

(I kid myself as sleep is now

A distant memory). 😴